Artwork: June Bug, Jordan Matthews
Pen and ink on cardstock, Photoshopped, 5 x 5 in., 2020

By Brendon Watts

A black stage. Offstage carolers singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” are heard. Around the “bring us some figgy pudding” line, the song abruptly stops when a smashing sound is heard, followed by the carolers screaming in fear. WALTER is heard offstage, as well as ROBBIE and NORA.

WALTER (Offstage)

Get out of here, you miserable good for nothing free loaders! (Coughs) Go on scram! I’ll give you some figgy pudding up the ass! (Coughs)

ROBBIE (Offstage)

Walter, dear, enough of that now. Besides, you know you’re allergic to other people’s asses. Nora, can you grab his other arm?

NORA (Offstage)

(Giggles) Thanks for scaring my new neighbors, Daddy.

WALTER (Offstage)

Bah! I hate freeloaders. (Coughs) Where the hell is your brother? He’s

going to be late. And I hate it when people are late! (Coughs)

NORA (Offstage)

He’ll be just a little while, and then we can all be together forever. (Giggles) I’m absolutely starving for some time with my big brother.

Lights fade onto the stage. There’s a table center stage with four chairs surrounding it. On one side of the table is the elderly married couple, WALTER and ROBBIE. Across from them on the other side is their
daughter NORA who appears to be in her late twenties. All actors act as over the top as possible. There’s only some silverware on the table and a lit candle in the center. At the beginning of the show she’s wearing a Santa dress, and her hair’s straight down.

ROBBIE

Nora sweetie I just can’t believe you’re back after all this time! What’s it been, maybe eight or nine—

WALTER

Ten.

ROBBIE

Yes, yes, quite right! Thank you dear! Ten years!

She immediately starts sobbing loudly. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tissue and blows her nose loudly. Then abruptly as she began, she stops crying and straightens up and clears her throat.

ROBBIE

As you can see sweetie, your father and I were quite worried about you. Weren’t we, dear?

WALTER

Yes, of course Robbie! How could we not worry about our sweet Dora—?

ROBBIE

Nora.

WALTER

Whatever. (Coughs) Say Laura, do you have any water here? I’m quite parched. (Coughs)

No response from NORA.

ROBBIE

Nora? Sweetie, did you hear?

NORA has been sitting at the table this whole time staring at something to the side. She snaps her head toward her parents and begins to giggle.

NORA

Of course I heard! Why, is my hearing not good enough for you any- more?

WALTER

Well, you were always hard of hearing, even as a little twerp baby.

ROBBIE

(Sternly) Walter! (Sweetly) Be a gem sweetie and give your father a cup of water.

NORA

Ugh! Fine! Why do I always do everything around here?

ROBBIE

Always? Sweetie, we just got here.

NORA

Hmph. (She sticks her tongue out at her mother. Exits proudly.)

ROBBIE

She seems to be doing well for herself, don’t you think dear?

WALTER

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Where the hell is Johnny? Dag gone it! I miss that boy. That angel!

ROBBIE goes into her purse and takes out a picture of JOHNNY and holds it to her chest. She starts sobbing again.

ROBBIE

Johnny! My boy! Where are you!

NORA reenters with a glass of red liquid and her hair tied in a bun.

WALTER

(Sobbing) My boy! My beautiful golden child! (He pushes ROBBIE away from the photo and hogs it for himself.) If only your rotten sister Flora could be more like you!

NORA

(Laughs) You’re right, our parents are so silly.

Immediately WALTER and ROBBIE stop and straighten up. WALTER coughs. ROBBIE grabs the picture from WALTER and puts it back in her purse.

WALTER

Now Robbie, my beautiful wife, as I was just saying, Johnny will be here soon. Isn’t that right my child?

NORA

He could already be here! Who knows!

ROBBIE

(Noticing the drink.) Dear, what is that?

NORA

It’s papa’s drink, mother.

WALTER

I’m pretty sure I asked for water.

NORA

(Immediately) It’s flavored water.

NORA hands the glass to her father then sits back down. WALTER eyes the glass suspiciously.

WALTER

What flavor?

NORA

Bloody Johnny—I mean Mary.

WALTER

Didn’t know that was a flavor.

WALTER drinks from the glass then spits it out.

WALTER

That was atrocious! That’s the worst flavored water I ever had.

WALTER immediately starts drinking from the glass again. SOUND CUE: The doorbell rings.

NORA

I got it!

NORA gets up from the table again and exits the opposite way that she just entered.

ROBBIE

Maybe it’s Johnny!

WALTER

Johnny!

The two stand on their chairs. ROBBIE pulls out some fans and hands one to WALTER. The two also pull out party horns.

ROBBIE

My baby, I love him so much!

WALTER

He’s the best thing I’ve ever made in my entire life!

ROBBIE

Don’t you mean one of the best things dear? What about Nora?

WALTER

Yeah Nor—uh who?

ROBBIE

Oh, here he comes!

NORA reenters. She’s now wearing a male’s leather jacket. ROBBIE and WALTER blow their party horns and wave their fans.

WALTER/ROBBIE

Merry Christmas, Johnny! We love you! (Pause.)

SOUND CUE: Sad trumpet

NORA

(Speaking in a slightly deeper voice) Aw thank you guys. I really appreciate it.

NORA and WALTER look at each other puzzled. Then straighten up and sit back down.

WALTER

Aw, it’s just our daughter Kora!

ROBBIE

Nora.

WALTER

(Coughs) Who was at the door?

NORA

Some charity organization.

WALTER

Did you turn them away like a good Christian?

NORA

Yes, father.

WALTER

That’s my girl! I have to say, Mara, I’m quite proud of you. You used to always want to give to the poor, and all that nonsense. (Sips from the glass again.) Johnny always did the right thing and turned them away.

NORA

Thank you, father.

WALTER

Honestly, the nerve! Coming here on Christmas! Some people know no boundaries!

ROBBIE

Where did you get that jacket?

WALTER

Yes, it looks awfully familiar.

NORA

It’s my jacket. Always has been, mother.

ROBBIE

Doesn’t Johnny have a jacket just like that?

SOUND CUE: Oven beeping

NORA

(Giggles) Looks like dinner’s ready! I’ll go get it!

ROBBIE

Oh, let me help you deary!

NORA

(Screaming, suddenly furious.) I said I got it!

NORA exits.

ROBBIE

Well, that was odd.

WALTER

I’m going to call that boy and tell him to get his butt down here.

ROBBIE

Now, dear, be gentle! Johnny’s a delicate soul.

WALTER

Yeah yeah.

WALTER pulls out a cell phone. NORA enters carrying a pot of dark meat. She sets it in the middle of the table. Her mannerisms have changed. She walks slower and has a constant frown on her face.

NORA

Dig in.

WALTER

What the hell is this?

NORA

Dinner.

ROBBIE

What kind of meat is this, dear?

NORA

It’s good. You’ll like it.

NORA grabs their plates and puts food onto them. Afterwards they start to eat.

WALTER

This is… different.

ROBBIE

I didn’t think you liked beef, dear.

NORA

It’s not beef, mother.

WALTER puts the phone to his ear.

WALTER

Everyone hush now! I’m calling Johnny!

SOUND CUE: Phone ringing

ROBBIE and WALTER investigate the pot of meat. WALTER reaches in and pulls out a cell phone.

ROBBIE

Is that Johnny’s—

NORA stands up and hits her mother with a frying pan that was under the table. ROBBIE falls over unconscious.

WALTER

Oh my god! Robbie! (Looks at his food then the cell phone.) Wait a second… (He tastes the food again.) Is this… Is this… Johnny? (He begins to throw up into the pot.)

NORA looks at him emotionless and nods her head.

What have you done? Our Johnny…

NORA

(During this speech she’s constantly going back and forth between personalities.) It’s okay, Daddy. (She picks up a knife from the table and stabs her father’s hand to the table.) Johnny will always be a part of us—a part of me now. (She rubs her stomach.) Soon I’ll be completely transformed. I’ll be your golden child, father. You won’t have a disappointment as a child any- more, Daddy. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? You and mom never paid attention to me. You’ve never even called me by my real name this entire night. So, I made my own friends. Friends that cannot be seen by the naked eye, they’re with me now always speaking to me. They gave me the idea—(Giggles) to eat Johnny. Therefore, becoming one with him. (She hugs her father who is trying to escape.) I love you, Father. Do you love me?

WALTER

(Crying and pleading) Of course I do Nora! I’ve always loved you!

NORA

(Stunned) What did you say?

WALTER

I said I love you, Nora!

NORA has taken another knife and gone behind her father. She slits his throat. A special light flashes and a sharp cutting sound is heard. WALTER dies.

NORA

(Voice is now very deep) It’s Johnny.

NORA sits back down at her seat and continues eating. ROBBIE wakes up and looks around. She immediately starts screaming bloody murder. She stands up, but NORA pushes her back into her seat.

What are you doing, Mother? Don’t you want to have dinner with me and Father? Don’t worry, that pesky little bitch Nora is gone now.

NORA pulls some rope from under the table and begins to tie ROBBIE’s arms to the chair.

I must thank you honestly. I’ve always known I was special. But you and father always reassured me just how special I was. Unlike Nora. She was nothing. A waste of sibling, don’t you think? Always talking to herself. Always crying one moment then giggling. I don’t think I would have gotten that far in life having her cling to my side all these years. Thank you so much, Mother, for sending her to that correctional ward and giving me a chance at a better life. Mother, what’s wrong, why are you crying?

ROBBIE

You’re not Johnny.

NORA

I beg your pardon.

ROBBIE

Nora sweetie… You’re not Johnny.

NORA slaps her mother.

NORA

(Breaking character) I am Johnny!

ROBBIE

No sweetie. You’ll never be Johnny.

NORA slaps her again.

NORA

How could you say that? After all we’ve been through, Mother?

ROBBIE

Does this make you feel better? Was this all worth it?

NORA slaps her a third time.

NORA

Shut up!

ROBBIE

(Crying) Johnny, why must you always hit me so hard?

NORA

It’s Johnny! Wait–no yes! That’s right, Mother! I am Johnny!

ROBBIE

What do you think your sister wants for Christmas, Johnny? I haven’t seen her in years.

NORA

I don’t give a shit about that bitch. Wish you never had her.

ROBBIE

Now sweetie you shouldn’t talk that way about your sister…

NORA

(Infuriated) Even when I’m somebody else you can’t love me! Why mom? Why?

ROBBIE

What are you talking about?

NORA grabs ROBBIE and begins to strangle her. The lights dim down, and we see the shadows on the wall reenact the strangling. There’s a loud screech, and a short blackout. Then lights slowly rise on the scene. ROBBIE is dead. All remaining is NORA seated in the middle table. The carolers are heard offstage singing “Silent Night” as NORA ad libs to her dead parents. Her manner has completely changed into Johnny at this point. The lights cut off on the second “sleep in heavenly peace” line.

BLACKOUT

END OF PLAY.