A Review of Coming Out Like a Porn Star

by Asher Beverly

“‘Mama, I want to be a pornstar.’ 

“Those words were the last ones my Catholic mother expected her ten year-old daughter to say; in fact, I’m sure she assumed I didn’t understand the meaning of the word. I did, and I liked the word. Pornstar. It sounded magical to my little ears. It certainly did not sound magical to my mother, who gently, but firmly, told me, “No. You don’t want to be that.”  

Needless to say, I am not a pornstar; however, my interest in the porn industry and the rights of sex workers never faded away. We live in a time where pornography is constantly being censored, under the guise of ‘protecting children’, and sex workers get accusatory names branded on their skin, like “whore”, “sex-offender”, and “immoral”. The relevancy of this modern day issue is what makes Coming Out Like a Porn Star an important book.  

In the second edition of this anthology of essays written by an array of pornstars, editor Jiz Lee puts together a collection of different voices ranging from the saccharine streets of Manhattan to moms raising their children in the quiet suburbs. The anthology is divided into twelve sections, most centered around the never-ending coming out a sex worker has to do in regards to their profession, if they’re privileged enough to do so on their own terms. There is an eclectic number of authors featured in the anthology. Nina Hartley has been making porn since the 80s, and gives her experience on how the porn industry has changed throughout the decades, while Verta shares their aspirations of wanting to become a pornstar in a world that continues to shut them out for not being white enough. No matter the individual, the book provides a little 

something for everyone who has ever wanted to learn about the more human side of the porn industry.  

Jiz Lee explicitly states what this book is. “Sharing our coming out stories might not only help other performers like myself but may also help people outside the industry relate to us, humanizing our experiences.” Lee’s collection shares the same message as the Global Network of Sex Works Projects ((NSWP), an organization that advocates for the rights of female, male, and transgender sex workers. The dehumanization of sex workers is prominent, with people of different cultures, religions, and genders all with opinions about sex workers. These opinions often ignore the fact sex workers are humans. In choosing to ignore the humanity of people in the porn industry, Lee argues, it is far easier for sex workers to be discriminated against and treated like they are less than.  

When writing about the trauma pornstar Jessica Starling dealt with involving deepfakes infiltrating the industry, Starling says, “The deepfake porn that was made with my body is another manifestation of the social imagination surrounding the sex worker. When someone is entirely dehumanized, with all personhood and agency stolen from them, all that is left is a nothingness.” The dehumanization of sex workers can lead other people to watering them down as nothing more than their job ,or accusing them of being abusive perverts. In Jack Hammer XL’s case, he was fired from the job he had for eighteen years as a sheriff’s correctional officer because he made porn. “The worst is that they tried to say I was abusive because I performed in BDSM scenes. The picture they painted made me out to be some type of liar or woman beater because of performing in BDSM scenes.” In the same conversation of dehumanization, sex workers, especially women, are constantly considered the Jezebels of the world. Actor Neve uses a fairy tale metaphor to bring attention to this: “Good girls are tactful, subtle, obedient, quiet,  

agreeable, and pretty. Girls who advocate for themselves, say no, shine it on, make noise, or react are bad. The bad girls get frogs falling from their mouths.” In this case, the girls with frogs falling out of their mouths are the pornstars. Even though the opinions about sex workers can be stifling, Lee accomplishes a different goal with the book: “All experiences shared in this book reflect the social stigmas of a culture whose sexual maturity is still in an awkward phase of adolescence. Where media outlets and public opinion continue to portray a negative, one-sided view of porn and its participants, our stories reveal a more honest depiction.”  

Censoring pornography is a current day issue. According to Project 2025, “Pornography should be outlawed. The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned. Educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” Right wing politicians involved in Project 2025– and those who claim to

have never even heard of it– claim porn is obscene, and, as Vice President Vance believes, a likely reason for the United States’s declining birth rate. Criminalizing sex workers and claiming they’re nothing more than sex offenders is the furthest thing from the truth. Cindy Gallop, pornstar and CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn, is an advocate for changing pornography ethically: “The average age at which a child views hardcore porn online is eight– not because eight year-olds go looking for porn, but as a function of what is inevitable in our digital world today: they stumble across it. I launched Make LoveNotPorn.com, which posts the myths of hardcore porn and balances them with reality in a straightforward, non-judgemental humorous way.” Adult film maker Erika Lust challenges the notions of past porn’s depiction of women and sets out to make porn far more humanizing. “During my first furtive experiences watching porn, I couldn’t help but feel disgust. It was tacky and ugly, the women did not look like they were enjoying themselves, and the  

sexual situations were totally ridiculous.” She takes the matter into her own hands and starts pioneering for porn in which women are meant to enjoy it. All this is to say, censorship is not the answer to pornography. Jiz Lee and other pornstars in the book see porn as a freedom of expression.  Most of the essays included are, at their core, about coming out as a sex worker to friends, family, and the world. Though the inclusion of so many voices can include an overwhelming number of ideas, some ideas which conflict with each other and can make it a little confusing for the reader, there is a sense of challenge the book hands to their audience. It is not meant to force the reader to conform. These are people with different experiences and honest ideas on feminist porn, and the ideas of ethical pornography, on what it takes to be a pornstar, and how sex workers should raise their children. There is no one right answer. In a time where conformity is on the rise and people are not being challenged to think critically, Jiz Lee’s anthology wants you to create your own opinions about the porn world, but only after you’ve acknowledged sex workers as what they actually are– human.